The Secret Life of Reviewer 2

I sit on my couch, waiting.

For that invitation.

No, not the ones that say,

“Greetings of the day!” or

“Auspicious happiness dear Doctor.”

But the one or two where a real journal,

With an impact factor on its way above 1.0.

Will invite me.

Requesting my rare expertise.

When the email sound arrives,

And I have been enrolled in a brand-new journal system,

By a prestigious editor of a journal almost nobody fully reads,

I am ready to click AGREE,

Create a new login using ten-factor authentication,

Recording my username and password in my notebook,

Just in case I get invited again.

Finally, I will download that beautiful PDF.

The portable document with no trace of your name but Author.

Using nothing but my fingers and my mind,

I will tear your paper to shreds.

Unless, of course, you agree to cite me.

I serve that wonderful thing called science.

I live for peer review.

Note: This is a work of science fiction and only some things in this story represent reality. The cat in the picture is not a real peer reviewer.

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